Romance Relationships and Unconditional Love

Going through transformation is life changing and affects every part of our lives. Relationships can shift and change as you move through your journey.

How do we navigate our love lives in the Awakening?

Join me and let’s chat about it

Breakthrough the emotional obstacles that keep you from connecting with the spiritual transformation inside you! Simple things you can do to Unleash Your Light!

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Love love love to you all!!

Ignore Your Feelings

Ignore Your Feelings! Sounds counter intuitive, doesn’t it? And yet, we can all remember times where we overreacted, lashed out and hurt those we care about. Is it about being real or is it about being unhealed?

How Can I Forgive Someone Who Doesn’t Deserve It?

We all have people in our lives who have hurt us…who have crossed us…who have betrayed us…we have all felt stabbed in the back, taken advantage of, and downright heartbroken. People in our past who have done us wrong in a big way- or in a lot of little ways over and over and over.

It Hurts!!

And it doesn’t just hurt in the moment- it can hurt for years to come. It can be something that affects your decisions everyday. When you get betrayed and hurt, it is something that will stick with you, it stains your heart and shifts something in your brain. It can shift your perspective 180 degrees- changing who you are and how you present yourself to the world. The pain doesn’t go away easily…and even when the pain goes away there is a lesson imprinted on your psyche that you carry with you… That imprint of that pain and the lesson you took away from it stays with you and affects everything you do- every decision you make, who you get involved with, how you react to pain, making choices, taking chances…who you love, how you love…even if you love. Sometimes you don’t even realize what you are doing, you don’t realize why you are reacting the way you do. You mess up good relationships, avoid certain types of people, stay away from situations, push away the people who love you. Why??

Why do we hold onto the pain?

Most of the time when the initial pain passes, we think it’s gone-POOF- out of sight out of mind. We move on with our lives and leave the pain behind—or so we think.  We don’t want to carry all of this stuff around, right??? or do we???

Our minds are like a computer. Everything we do, everything we hear, everything we see is programmed onto our hard drive. And just like on a computer, even when you delete an app from our screen, there are still pieces of that app deep within the computer. When the betrayal or hurt happened, it installed little triggers in you. Here’s an example– you have a long term partner/boyfriend/girlfriend -you come home from work one day and the bed is stripped, sheets in the washer, no sign of your partner. Later you find out that your partner had another lover over at your house, in YOUR bed. Of course- you break up and you move on. So here we are 2 years later- you’ve moved on and you are in a happy loving relationship. You come home from work and you find the bed stripped, sheets in the washer- your partner folding laundry on the couch. They turn to you and smile, proud of their good deed. You fly off the handle, screaming, yelling, losing your mind. A fight ensues, and even though your partner is able to prove that they didn’t have anyone at the house, now you watch their every move with suspicion. The trust in the relationship is broken and your partner leaves you. Your partner did not even do anything wrong- there was no cheating… and yet you lost someone you loved…all because of the triggers installed by your betrayal 2 years ago.  Those triggers will continue to plague you for the rest of your life UNLESS you can figure out a way to uninstall them. How do you do that?? Forgive the person who put them there. Easier said than done right?

How do I forgive the person that wronged me?

I’m sure that you have heard the saying about how holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. That is exactly how forgiveness works! You have to forgive the person you are holding a grudge against-it’s like the antidote to the poison.

So how do you drink the antidote?? The first thing you have to do is figure out where your grudge lies and who it was that hurt you…this part is going to suck- no ifs ands or buts about it. Dig in deep-think back to the moment you were hurt by someone. What did they say that hurt you? What was the situation? Now be unbiased- be fair to both sides. How did you contribute to the situation? Could you have done something to prevent it? Don’t get defensive- be honest with yourself. Now I want you to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. We often expect others to react the way WE would react, but we have to remember that the person who hurt you has lived a different life than you have. They have different triggers installed by the life they have led and the experiences they have had…maybe they hurt you because of a trigger you pulled without even realizing it. People are rarely hurtful to other people because they want to be– it’s usually because of something inside of them. Figure it out- take your own emotion out of it.

The next step in the process is to be compassionate about their motivation. Be understanding of the triggers and possible life events that led them to treat you that way.  Remember the love or friendship you had for them and use that feeling to be an imaginary shoulder for them to cry on. Now realize that they may not even know why they hurt you, betrayed you, lashed out at you. Most people don’t examine why the have their feelings, they just  FEEL them. But you are going to be different. You are going to logically and compassionately talk yourself through the situation from both sides and comfort the person that hurt you…because obviously if they hurt you, they must be hurting too…

This is the point where you forgive them. You don’t have to tell them in person, you don’t have to call them- you don’t even have to send them a message…you just forgive them and wish them well…no one has to hear it but you. Say it out loud. Tell that person as if they were standing in front of you that you forgive them and that you hope they work out all of their issues and find happiness. You tell them that the pain they caused you has no power over you any more and you have no use for it. You wish them well and mentally send them on their way…

Now don’t think you have to let that person back into your life- you don’t.

Don ‘t think it is weakness to forgive- it’s not.

When you forgive someone else, you are really doing it for yourself. It’s like running a de-frag program on your computer and sweeping out all the leftover pieces of the triggers that were installed. Sometimes it takes more than once. Reprogramming can take a minute- everytime you start to react to those triggers, or think of that person who hurt you with anger or pain in your heart- just say ‘I forgive you’ and let it go…

You can do this! Forgiveness is the best thing you can do for yourself! IImage from www.conejochurch.com

 

 

Why Does This Keep Happening to Me?

Why me? Why do these things keep happening to me? One thing after another, like a string of bad luck, bad breaks and bad news. Sometimes it can feel like we are cursed- like our whole lives are just one big mistake—

Now of course that isn’t true, but when you are in that place, it really does feel that way. It feels like the world is crashing down around you and nothing will ever go your way again…

I have a friend- we mostly interact on FB since she moved away- so I see these  kinds of posts

Tuesday I’ll see this— This phone is killing me, It won’t bring up my email, or let me sign onto FB and NOW I have to go to the TMobile store in person because they can’t fix it over the phone! On top of that my dog pooped right in front of the front door and I stepped in it- I hate my life! smdh

Thursday it’s this—Can you believe it? Today my boss bitched me out in front of every one- then I tripped and busted a heel on my favorite shoes AND evidently my boyfriend has been seeing some thot the WHOLE time we’ve been dating—just kill me now

Then on Saturday—-OMG I cannot even deal- there is a warrant out for my arrest for a parking ticket i got 3 years ago and i guess i didn’t pay it AND i can’t pay over the phone I have to go down there in person, which will be impossible because my car completely took a shit today…just like my dog. WHY ME???

So you notice how the posts escalate every few days? How it starts out as a few small thing and snowballs into bigger and bigger problems??

I don’t want you to take this the wrong way- don’t be offended- but this is probably your fault- at least partially. Don’t get defensive and don’t start putting up the wall…just take a minute and read with an open mind…

There are 2 things at play here— The first is the Law of Attraction-‘Like attracts Like’

Something small happened on Tuesday right? It was minor- a little tiny thing, yet her reaction was HUGE – major- ‘I hate my life” She focused on that negativity, she focused on her ‘horrible’ life, she over reacted to this little inconvenience. That focus on the negative, that energy that she spent on that minor little thing- her phone- she let it roll around in her head, getting bigger and bigger– it turned into a magnet for more negative stuff…

Now i know that sounds a little crazy- how can someone having a bad day turn into more bad luck- how can it make her boss bitch her out? The Law of Attraction was not the only thing at work here- you combine that with another principal I believe in wholeheartedly- obstacles happen FOR you not TO you. I believe that our purpose on this earthly plane is to level up- to learn lessons , to gain insight into our own minds, to connect with God, the light of the universe, to fulfill our purpose here on earth and to get as close to enlightenment as possible. To this end, the universe–or God or however you want to refer to the higher power–puts lessons in front of us to learn from. It gives us opportunities to work through the issues and hangups we have, so we can get level up and get closer to the light. I believe that the universe will keep putting the same lesson in front of you over and over again.

My friend needs to learn not to over react to little things- to keep things in perspective, to maintain a positive attitude despite difficult circumstances. So the universe in conjunction with the law of attraction conspire to help my friend learn this lesson…

This is a pattern with her and it happens over and over, month after month, and yet she always reacts the same way and it always snowballs into something bigger.

What are the patterns in your life? Do you see something happening to you over and over and over. Are you tired of repeating the same mistakes? The key to breaking the pattern is to recognize it! See it for what it is! You can change the negative patterns in your life, just by not giving in to them. Need a little help?? Message me on my Facebook page,  IG @licaralights  or Twitter- I would be happy to help you find some insight!

Love and light…

Be Your Own Valentine!

Be Your Own Valentine this year!

Each day- starting today- from now until Feb 14th write yourself a love note. Write something nice about yourself, a compliment, something sweet, something kind. Put them in a special place- a pretty bowl- your jewelry box- someplace that makes you smile. On Valentine’s Day, set the scene. Light some candles, put on your favorite outfit-jammies or formal gown-whatever makes you happy- get your favorite snack too.

Then read each of your love notes out loud.

Don’t argue them in your head.

Don’t contradict them.

Just say ‘Thank You’

That’s it…

‘Thank You’

You are a divine child of the light and you deserve all of the happiness and love the universe has to offer.

The best place to start is with yourself!

https://unleashyourlight.wordpress.com/

How Can I Have Faith and Keep It?

This may be the most important part. It may also be the most difficult part. It is the piece of the puzzle that makes all the other pieces fit. Without faith, the other puzzle pieces will not click into place.

Faith…what is faith??

I would compare faith to positive thinking.

Always walking on the sunny side of the street;

Looking for the silver lining.

Faith is a knowing.

Faith is knowing and believing that you are not alone-even when you are at your loneliest.

Faith is being nice to people who don’t deserve it, including yourself.

Faith is forgiving yourself, forgiving others and letting go of the past- even if you were terribly wrong, or have been terribly wronged.  

Faith is ignoring your feelings, even when they are telling you, you’ll never amount to anything.

Faith is keeping your mind set, no matter what obstacles are in your way.

The crucial thing about faith is the more you have, the happier your ending, the easier your joy will come, the bigger your reward.  

There is a direct correlation between the strength of your faith and a happy ending. No matter what, you must behave as if the future you want is a sure thing (Deepak Chopra calls this living backwards in time)

Faith is what manifests the reality of “your” vision.

By plugging God into the equation, you amp up the manifestation of your visions.

Having faith in God and holding onto that faith is what really manifests reality—

God rewards faith…
James 1:6

6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Matthew 6:32-33

32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

Numbers 14:28

28 So tell them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the Lord, I will do to you the very thing I heard you say:

Judges 6:12

12 When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, “The Lord is with you, mighty warrior.”

Hebrews 10:35-36

35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded.

36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

Hebrews 11:1

11 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.

Isaiah 61:7

7 Instead of your shame

you will receive a double portion,

and instead of disgrace

you will rejoice in your inheritance.

And so you will inherit a double portion in your land,

and everlasting joy will be yours.

Romans 12:17-21

17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone.

18 If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.

19 Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord.

20 On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.

In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.”

21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Colossians 1:4-6

4 because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all God’s people— 5 the faith and love that spring from the hope stored up for you in heaven and about which you have already heard in the true message of the gospel 6 that has come to you.

In the same way, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace.

Matthew 21:22

22 If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

Mark 11:24

24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

James 1:6

6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Philippians 1:5-7

5 because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, 6 being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

7 It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel,

all of you share in God’s grace with me.
Ezekiel 11:19

19 I will give them an undivided heart and put a new spirit in them; I will remove from them their heart of stone and give them a heart of flesh.

Psalm 136

1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good.

His love endures forever.

John 15:7

7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

 

Ignore Your Feelings!

This may sound completely crazy-

Ignore my feelings.

That seems to be the OPPOSITE of what “they” tell us.

“trust your gut”

“I can’t help what I feel”

“follow your heart”

Ignore your feelings- this may be a piece of advice that no one’s ever given you before.

Ignore your feelings.

In most cases, acting on your feelings, just reacting in a split second, will get you in trouble.- The guy you work with pissed you off- you felt like punching him, so you did…you followed your feelings. He pissed me off- I socked him a good one.

Yes it may have felt good in the moment-

Yes, he may have even deserved it-

But giving into your feeling, punching him may lead you to a string of “bad luck”

-you lost your job

-you couldn’t pay your car payment

– you couldn’t support your family

– and on top of it all, he is pressing charges.

All this because you followed your feelings- you felt something-you reacted.

Even now you may be blaming him for this string of “bad luck”.

“Well if he hadn’t mouthed off and stepped up to me, I wouldn’t have had to knock him out.”

No- you had a choice in that moment (remember puzzle piece #3 Be nice to others??) But you chose to act based on your feelings-he pissed you off-you punched him.

Our feelings lie to us. That immediate instinct to lash out is the darkness, your demon, the negative ego. It acts out of fear and anger.

Any reaction you have that is not from love is the wrong reaction.

You must remember that you cannot control how other people behave- you can only control how you respond. God wants you to turn the other cheek.

Worried that people will judge you and think you are weak? The only opinion that matters is the opinion of God. The only judgment you should be worried about is His judgment.

God rewards the meek.

Do not be confused–meek is not weak. Meek is choosing not to react in violence, anger or fear. It is reacting in a Godly way.

Let’s try another situation where you should “ignore your feelings”

Maybe you look in the mirror and feel you are fat and ugly. You hate yourself and feel you are completely unlovable.

And yet, look around, you have friends and family who think you are beautiful, wonderful and completely lovable.

Are they all crazy??

Are they all wrong??

How is it feasible that everyone in your life is wrong and how you feel is right?

Consider the possibility that YOU are wrong. Look at yourself–Maybe you ARE beautiful. Maybe you ARE lovable. God created you perfect. You are created in his image. He has made you exactly who you need to be to fulfill your purpose in this life. Your worth is immeasurable.

Now—be nice to yourself.

Ignore your feelings—that voice that screams at you- he can’t treat you like that, punch him, you are ugly- you are unlovable- you’ll never get what you want- you suck—JUST IGNORE THOSE THOUGHTS!!

When you hear that voice you tell it to just shut up.

“ I reject that reality. The darkness will not win this argument because I refuse to believe your lies.”

Tell that voice-

“I am a child of God and I am beautiful, lovable and peaceful.”

The more you do this, the better you will get at it. It’s like a muscle that you have to build up by using over and over. The more you reject that stream of constant criticism, goading and lies, the easier it will be to do the right thing, think the right way, and be right with God.  

Those dark negative thoughts are not your own. Psychology calls it the negative ego, Christianity would call it the devil or demons. I call it the darkness.

What ever you want to call it, it looks for our weaknesses and exploits them.

If you have a quick temper, it will push you and push you to explode with rage.

If you lack confidence it will nip away at your self worth.

If you are jealous, it will find a way to twist all situations to look like you are being betrayed.

No matter what your personal situation is, the darkness can always find a way to use it and pull you deeper into the dark pit of anger and depression.  

You must condition yourself to notice when you hear that voice and realize that is not you. The voice is a separate entity.

It is the darkness, the negative ego, the demon.

Your purpose in this life is to overcome that voice. Notice when it rears its ugly head and take a look at your behavior.

When the darkness speaks it is usually because it has found a weakness in you.

Examine that weakness. Recognize that weakness and fix it like plugging a hole in the dam.  

Use that darkness to your advantage and turn it around.

Pray!

Ask God for his help.

“ Lord I am having an issue in this area. Please heal my pain and help me to keep vigilant against the darkness that is trying to take advantage me. I have faith that you are with me and I am not alone in this fight.”

Ignore your feelings. Control your emotions. React from love, not anger or fear. God is with you!

2 Corinthians 10:5

5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

 

Set Your Mind

 

Set your mind…

What does that mean…really?

Setting your mind is “The Secret” It is “The Way of the Wizard”…

What am I talking about?

Basically, setting your mind is the equivalent to visualizing your future and creating your own reality.  Books like the secret tell us that by visualizing our future and really believing it, we can make it come true. They tell us if we really focus on it- through affirmations and vision boards and whatnot- that we can make it happen.

   When you read that in a book and then you look around at your reality…it is hard to imagine how to get from “here” to “there”;

From your apartment to your mansion-

from your minimum wage job to your riches-

from your Kia to your Benz.

They make it sound so easy…Visualize what you want Believe it will happen *poof* it happens.

How Does it Happen?

They don’t tell you how to hold onto your vision after a week, a month, a year. Trying to believe, trying to hold onto your vision, your dream. How do you do it?? How do you make the magic happen? How do you poof? Honestly-ya don’t…

God does.

God hears your vision-prayer.

God hears your plans-prayer.

God makes the *poof*  

God is what gets you from here to there.

God is how it happens.

Now you can’t just pray and then wait. Have you ever heard the saying-

“God helps those who help themselves?”

This is literal. You cannot just wait for God to make your dreams come true.

Yes- pray.

Yes – pray some more.

But you must also prepare.

I heard Devon Franklin say on Oprah that there are only 2 things we have control over -how we prepare and how we react- God controls the rest.

You must do the work on your end.

If you want a record contract, pray for it, then continue to make music in your garage- then you are not doing your part! Get out there, get seen, make music and pray everyday.

Tell God you will serve him. Ask him for the opportunity. Believe in yourself. Believe in God. Believe it will happen. Keep your mind set.

God is the missing piece in the visualization puzzle.

If you can believe that God will make it happen, then you can hold onto your vision for as long as it takes. Now it may not be on your schedule. God has his own time table. He may need to prepare you to go through all the hard times associated with success and fame.

The hard times prepare you for the good ones. Every hard time teaches you a lesson you will need when you vision comes true. Joel Osteen says Nothing happens TO you it happens FOR you.

Set your mind and know that you are not alone. God hears your vision and is already working to make your dreams come true!

James 1:6

6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

John 15:7

7 If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

Numbers 14:28

28 So tell them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the Lord, I will do to you the very thing I heard you say:

Romans 12:2

2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world,

but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.

Hebrews 12:11

11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.

2 Corinthians 5:17

17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

Ephesians 4:22-24

22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires;

23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds;

24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Philippians 4:8

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

1 Corinthians 2:14-16

14 The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit. 15 The person with the Spirit makes judgments about all things, but such a person is not subject to merely human judgments, 16 for,

“Who has known the mind of the Lord

so as to instruct him?”

But we have the mind of Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5

5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God,

and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

 

Be Nice to Yourself and Others

I know what you are thinking.

Be nice?

Be nice?

That’s your advice?

Yes!

That is my advice.

It seems like simple common sense.

“Be nice.”

But often we are not nice…

Maybe the cashier at the grocery store made a mistake. You get annoyed, you get rude. Maybe you even make a rude comment like – How hard is it to push buttons? – Maybe someone cuts you off in traffic and a string of curse words flow from your lips. Maybe you even flip them off. Maybe you start chasing them through traffic – Road Rage Anyone?

It’s not always easy. It’s a choice. There is a moment when you are about to react.

Choose to be a blessing.

Choose to be nice.

Maybe you will make a difference in the other person’s life.

Maybe they are having trials in their life and your smile and understanding can give them a moment of peace, brighten their day.

Give them hope. It can be difficult at times but the blessings you put out there will come back to you.

The other half of the equation is not so easy.

Be nice to yourself.

Sounds simple…deceptively simple.

But it’s harder than you think.

When you look in the mirror, what do you say to yourself?

Do you smile and think how great you look or do you zero in on “faults” you see starring back at you. Do a chorus of voices ring out in your head – ugly – fat – stupid?

When you make a mistake do you condemn yourself?? – failure, loser, no good.

You would never say that to your best friend.

You would never put up with someone else saying that to your best friend.

Before you judge yourself, call yourself names or just generally be mean and hate on yourself, take a minute and say something nice. I know it’s hard and maybe you don’t really believe what you are saying. But if you say it enough it will become your truth.

PROVERB 23 – As we think so shall we become.

It won’t always be easy. If you catch yourself being mean, then correct yourself and say something nice. It will become a habit.

I know this from personal experience. I couldn’t even pass a mirror without saying I was a fat ugly loser. No one will ever really love you. But I overcame it day by day, week by week…and you can too!

Dr. Phil calls them ANTS – Automatic Negative Thoughts. Traditional psychology calls those voices the negative ego. Some would call the voices demons or the devil.

I call it the darkness.

You must realize that just the fact that you can lean back and listen to those voices means that they are a separate entity from yourself.

Those voices are not you. They are something else entirely, trying to hold you down and keep you from your true potential, keep you from God’s light and love.

Those voices from the darkness will torture you; trying to get you feel fear, anger, hatred, toward yourself and towards others.

You must reject those voices. When you hear them start, tell them to shut up. Reject what they are saying and replace it by saying–

“I am a child of God and he made me perfect, exactly who I need to be to accomplish my purpose in this life.”

If you are about to be mean to someone, the voices start spinning about how it’s not fair, they can’t treat you like that, the anger starts to build say—

“ I reject that feeling. I am a child of God and I am a blessing to all who cross my path”

It sounds a little crazy, but it could be your purpose in that person’s life to teach them forgiveness or patience.

You CAN choose to be nice to yourself and others. It is tough at first, but it’s like a muscle; The more you use it the stronger it gets!

 

Here are some inspirational scriptures to support you when you are feeling weak.

 

Matthew 5:44-48

44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.

46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?

47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?

48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Proverbs 4:23

23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

1 John 4:20

Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.

Philippians 2:5

5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
Ephesians 2:10

10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

2 Corinthians 10:5

5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

2 Corinthians 9:7

7 Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion,

for God loves a cheerful giver.

Colossians 3:12

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience

 

Forgive Yourself!

Release the Past-

This may be the biggest challenge for you; Releasing the past. We all have pain in our past. Someone or many “someones” have done us wrong. Maybe you had physical abuse from your parents or a loved one. Maybe someone called you names, made you feel like garbage.

Words scar.

Words leave little memory blocks.

Words can program you to behave a certain way, and you won’t even realize it. For example, you are writing a poem in 3rd grade, and maybe the teacher tells you your poem is horrible and don’t make writing your day job. Something as simple as that can setup a block. From that point on, writing anything can be difficult. You expect to fail because someone years ago in 3rd grade told you that you can’t write.

Our minds are really like steel traps. Every negative thing that is said to you changes who you are. Your mind saves the negative and refers back to it over and over again.

 

If you were called ugly by mean kids, you look in the mirror and think “UGLY”!! If parents hit you for making a mistake, you may respond the same way. It’s like the bad stuff clings on inside our brain and inside our hearts.

Maybe you have done something bad or wronged someone in the past. Guilt eats you alive. Guilt will make you do crazy things. Over-compensate, over-react. It can make you angry, depressed, violent, over-indulgent.

Forgive Yourself and Others

How can you fix this? How can you get relief from this? Conventional society says therapy…you go to therapy, you talk about what happened, the therapist then tries to help you to let it go. Sound familiar? When you go to confession you tell a priest what you did wrong, he gives you a “punishment”, Hail Marys – whatever – then you are forgiven –

What?

I just said the magic word…Forgiven. If you are forgiven, you can move forward. If you forgive the person who hurt you, then you can move on.

Forgiving doesn’t mean what happened was ok, but when you forgive it gives you a chance to lift the burden off your shoulders.

Let’s Get Personal–

Ok- so let me get personal here for a minute. I have had some stuff happen to me in my early twenties that I carried around with me for years. I made a poor choice regarding custody of my then 3 year old son and everything spiraled out of control. A relative took off with him and he was gone for 2 years. I couldn’t find them. I had no idea where they were.

After tracking them down and regaining custody, we spent years repairing the damage done to him while he was out of my care. He is now in his early twenties and has problems to this day because of what happened to him while he was with that relative.

I suffered with so much guilt for so many years. I parented out of guilt, often excusing bad behavior, because in my mind I was the cause of him being driven to behave badly. I carried so much guilt, not only for what I did for letting him live with his father but guilt over what I didn’t do. Attention I didn’t give my daughter, because he needed so much attention. I carried so much pain.

How did I overcome this guilt? How did I stop beating myself up over the past?

I Repented.

That’s the first step. I admitted honestly my part in what happened. I told God I was sorry for what I did and I asked for forgiveness. Then I asked God to help me forgive myself and put the past in the past. I asked him to take my pain and anger from me so I can focus on tomorrow and  focus on serving God and being a blessing to others in this life.

Here’s what I learned that has helped me so much. I beat myself up over my mistakes for so many years when I didn’t have to. That’s what the whole “Jesus died for our sins” is all about.

When we mess up, we are already forgiven. Jesus has taken the punishment for us. This is why it is so important when you mess up, to pray for forgiveness, be sorry and let it go. Don’t punish yourself – Jesus takes the punishment for us.

Is it easy to let it go??

• NO –

Is it a struggle everyday??

-YES!!

Anytime you feel yourself slipping, punishing, self hating, you have to take a moment.

Self correct and be nice to yourself (we’ll cover that in the next step).

Be nice to yourself.

Talk to yourself.

You are your own best friend. You made a mistake but you made up for it – you repented. Don’t keep re-living the pain. Don’t keep beating yourself up. You are a good person with a good heart.

Know that if you are truly sorry, then you are truly forgiven. Know that if you forgive those who hurt you, then they can no longer hurt you.

When you don’t forgive, you let that person or that incident torture you for the rest of your life. It’s not easy but it’s doable. If you set your mind – step 4- and have faith – step 6 – you can do it.

Need help? Ask God! Ask for support; reach out to others for support. Help someone else, be a blessing. Forgiveness doesn’t come easy but it is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Need some support??

Scriptures about Forgiveness

1 John 1:9

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness

Proverbs 10:1

Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrongs

Ephesians 1:7

7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace

1 John 3:9

9 No one who is born of God will continue to sin, because God’s seed remains in them; they cannot go on sinning, because they have been born of God.

John 8:32

32 Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Colossians 3:12-14

12 Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.

13 Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

14 And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

2 Corinthians 2:10

10 Anyone you forgive, I also forgive. And what I have forgiven—if there was anything to forgive—I have forgiven in the sight of Christ for your sake,

Matthew 18:21-22

The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

Romans 5:3-4

3 Not only so, but we[a] also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope.

Matthew 11:28-30

28 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.

29 Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

30 For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”